Used to, back in the late '70s', write a column for
Iconclast, a Dallas area underground newspaper, and was assigned to re-make Clement Clarke Moore's classic for that era...the editor ran it every Holiday season for the rest of that newspaoper's existance (7 or 8 more years, perhaps :p), and I get a lot of requests for it to this day, at my holiday gigs, for which I'm honored.
The South Side of Ft.Worth, Texas' Night Before X-mas
'Twas the night before X-mas and all through our home,
Not a creature was still up...all immaculately stoned,
The stockings were all nailed to the fake fireplace,
We're hoping Kris Kringle would soon show his face.
Ol' Pedro and Carla were up in their beds,
With flashbacks from the mescaline still dancing in their heads,
I was in my cut-off Levis and the ol'lady in her gown,
We were just fixin' to get nekkid and seriously "get down"!
When all of a sudden I heard a loud noise,
I just figured we were being visited by the boys.
But, who did I see when I opened the door?
It was the Santa who worked down at the department store.
I'd met him last week with my nephew and nieces,
(They're rotten little monkeys, but I love 'em to pieces!)
We'd talked for a bit, and I bid him, "Slide by,
We'll roll up some "X-mas Cheer" and kick back a while!"
So, I told him "Sit down, take a load off your feet!",
And I broke out my bong, filled with something quite sweet,
Then he pulled out a bomber, in red-and-green paper,
It was fat in the middle, the ends kinda tapered.
He fired up that bad boy, and exhaled the smoke,
And passed over to my ol' lady, who took a long toke,
She asked, "Is this home-grown?", as I took my hit
He smiled as he answered, "Grown in pure reindeer shit!"
We thought that was funny, and started to giggle,
Santa laughed,too...and his big belly jiggled
He said, "Lot of folks think I'm of nothing but dreams,
"But good folks, all is not as it seems"
"To some, Christmas is nothing but commercialized whoredom,
"And when you talk about Peace on Earth, some people feel boredom,
"But Christmas is not something to help fill shopping carts,
"The true spirit of Christmas dwells deep in your heart,
"When you give help to the infirm, or a hug to a child,
"Feed someone who's hungry, and do all this with a smile,
"Buying a lot of crap is not the real reason,
"It's giving of yourself that makes this the season
"of Joy and of Love and of all that is Good."
He took another toke and Santa then stood
He said, "Step out on the porch and I'll show you something righteous"
And he pointed to a Harley tricked out most bodacious
And behind that big hawg, as a matter of fact
Was a trailer that held a gigantic sack
Filled with toys and dolls and unbroken dreams
Santa said,"See?...It's never at all like it seems"
He leaped on his Sportster, gave the kick-start a stomp,
Gave it some gas, and I heard the drive-chain go "clonk",
And as Santa took off,through the star-blazened night,
I heard the Big Man say, "Burn another for me!"
(C) Terry Allan Hall 1978
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'The South Side of Ft.Worth Texas Night Before X-mas'
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Just a simple mono recording off my computer, warts and all, using my beloved Guild JF-4, tuned to "Open G" and a Sony mic.